Whole Whatevey: Why My Whole30 Coffee Is Not Black

“Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard. You’ve done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written.”

It’s right there, spelled out in inky black and staunch white.

Doing an officially-labeled Whole30 does not include the use of heavy cream, even grass-fed and organic and fueled by hippie love, in one’s coffee. Period. One’s Whole30 cuppa must look like a dark pool of char.

On the left, official Whole30 coffee. On the right, my typical coffee:

That’s okay with me, and it’s also okay with the Whole30 powers that be, as long as I don’t call what I am doing a real Whole30. To call what you’re doing a real-deal Whole30 you must follow their rules and that is completely fine by me. I could come up with a new name, like . . .

WholeUltra.

WholeRunner.

WholeTenacity.

WholeDirty.

WholeHurty.

WholeSporty.

WholeRunny. Ok, I’ll stop now.

My WholeWhatevey and its practices will not be not sanctioned for one or two other reasons relating to endurance running, regardless. I will, for example, consume energy gels on VERY long training runs because they are useful and convenient tools that serve a purpose during the run itself (and then I will take care to not go all snacking crazy as I am wont to do). I will not follow up a long run with a recovery shake or other processed foods. Only during the super-crazy long runs (by that I mean more than 4-5 hours) will I consume off-plan calories such as gels and all of those will have minimal ingredients and (it should go without saying, but still) no grains or gluten.

But here’s what I discovered about coffee. I’m not going to stop it entirely, though I could be convinced to do that in the future. No, what I realized about coffee and my own success on the Whole30 is that I really really enjoy the goddam cup with grassfed cream in it. But when I drink it black, it just doesn’t work. Now, that means I can buck up and either give it up or drink it black and “suffer”. However, if that is about the only thing standing between me and doing a pretty legit clean and healthy 30 days, I am going to have the freakin’ heavy cream. ONLY grass-fed, because nothing else tastes good. That would be Organic Valley, yo.

organic-valley-heavycream

Ok, let’s do this. WholeWhatevey begins.

 

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Yellow On Thursday Means You Are . . . Happy?

When I was growing up, there were all sorts of dubiously-sourced dictums on all things a kid did externally: the clothes you wore and when, the food you ate, the books you carried, your hair, your shoes, et cetera. But few were more curious than the grade school “rule” that if you wore yellow on Thursday, you were gay. Never mind that gay wasn’t even a concept many of us grokked (this was a Catholic school in the early 1980s).

It wouldn’t be until college that I interacted with my first openly gay friends and they were freaking awesome people. Geez, what *was* the big deal, anyway? The real answer is, not much. Just like what you wear on which day of the week means freaking nothing, other than that’s what you grabbed or was clean or felt good or whatever. (It does seem to be a midwestern thing – just Google for “yellow thursday gay” and there are several mentions of the legend.)

Tenacious Turmeric Tea

So it is on a Thursday that I paint my insides yellow with my newest edible addiction: creamy turmeric tea. I learned of it through Mark’s Daily Apple when doing a search on natural antibiotics while healing my infected leg wound. Turmeric seemed much more palatable to my friends than consuming buckets of raw garlic.

Thanks to Emperor Google, it looks like Mark tweaked the recipe to Primal specifications in 2011 from one created by Sanjay Gupta many years back, first visible on the web around 2001. Dr. Gupta’s featured almond milk (meh), while Mark’s gave the option for a richer route with coconut milk and added warming cayenne. I’ve tweaked further with pastured heavy cream, as most coconut milk leaves my gut bouncy.

Here it is, the recipe you’ve been waiting for – the first on this blog.

Tenacious Turmeric Tea (serves 1)

  • 1 Tbsp ginger juice (take several thumb-sized chunks of peeled ginger and blend with 1/2c water until liquified. strain through cheesecloth, discarding solids. keeps 2 weeks in fridge.)
  • 1 tsp honey
  • 1 tsp GOOD powdered turmeric – organic is best
  • 1-2 ounces heavy cream (grass-fed if available, Organic Valley if not)
  • 3-5 ounces water

Combine everything and gently warm until nice and steamy. Drink from your favorite mug. Then brush your teeth. 🙂